sawdust and tomatoes

its been a good but also a tough start to the year.
it seems like everything has been breaking.
among other things, unexpected doctor and lab bills both for myself and my car have left me broke and it leads me wonder whether i made the right choices.
after getting laid off last january i decided not to find another job and dedicated my time and energy not only on renovating an awesome old house with robert - which we are now renting out to an adorable little family -
yet also on working in my studio/wood shop pretty much full time.
finding business has been tough - trying to make a living as an artist is hard.
especially for being someone who isn't outgoing and good at "selling myself."
i participated in a few street/food/wine festivals and holiday bazaars/markets.
i did pretty well for my first year.
fortunately, i have no rent to pay - neither for my living situation, nor for my studio. this has been amazing.
i know a lot of other artist aren't that lucky.
i have been able to pay for my student loans, credit card bills (equipment), chiropractor, gas, website,
 and the little everyday expenses just fine.
yet when it comes to unexpected things - like $345 worth of extra lab fees from the doctor and new wires, plugs, battery and belts for my car at $360 all in the same month - that stuff can just throw me through a loop.
which makes me start to worry.
i know that the term "starving artist" was not coined from fiction.
i know i am not alone in this.
i know other people have been there and have figured it out.
i know i can trust God that i will be provided for.
i know i am not cut out for an office or desk job.
i know that i have never been happier doing what i am doing now.

robert does not worry. i admire that so much about him.
he says that worrying does not solve things. and he is so right.

i need to stop worrying and focus on the task at hand.
making things isn't so much the issue for me.
getting myself out there is.

how do i get over myself and go talk to people?
how do i approach people and ask them if they want to carry/sell/buy my work
how do you do it?
what makes it easier?

seeing these cows made me feel a little better today.
why-  i do not know.
their droll faces, munching away on cold cold grass staring at me had a calming effect.

i know i can do this.